VANtastically 30!!!!!

Lets talk for a second about the impending doom approaching in January!!
                                                       I am going to be 30!!!!

Now some of you might think that 30 isn't all that old!! I am here to tell you...IT IS!!! I have popped out 3 kids and broke down and bought a van!! That makes me old and SO NOT COOL!!! I can't roll down the street in my van sportin 3 kids and look cool!! I no longer can jam out to cool music at a loud obnoxious volume as I have once long ago!

Nothing about the above picture says I AM COOL!!! Sad really but alas it is my reality and I must face it!! So instead of saving for vacation I must turn to saving for a retirement home!
Lets take a gander at my downhill spiral into old lady hood shall we.....
I have started the process of locating a good retirement home that will fit my unwealthy poor needs! Understand something, I had 3 kids in the hopes that I would not have to live in a 2 story Cheerio box on Park Ave. So aside from said Cheerio box listed below I have 2 other prospects...and they are as follows.. 
Prospect number 1.

Minor Adjustments??? Hmmm??? Nothing says I am retired and OLD than a makeshift log cabin in the thick of the Alaskan jungle!! Not the way I want to go out... If the house collapsing on me doesn't kill, a bear will!
Prospect number 2:

Said Cheerio box.... Though not 2 stories as I cannot or will not be able to afford a second floor!! Hell I prolly will be wheelchair bound from breaking a hip and unable to walk up stairs....
And Prospect number 3:

Under a bridge!!! This is not ideal of course but with Social Security said to be tapped by the time I am of legal age to obtain it! This will prolly be my home!!

Hey but don't feel bad for me... By that time we will all be living under a bridge!!!  I hope you see how I am feeling about turning 30!
OK...moving on... now that I have 3 prospective locations to house my poor pathetic excuse for a 30 year old...lets move on to the amenities that these locations must possess...
Number 1:
Said locations must have a rockin group of stellar neighbors! Take this group for example!

Don't they look like a blast to be around????
Amenity number 2:
Said location must have a Wii gaming system.... I need to be able to fall and break a hip in style and what better way to do that than boxing like Mike Tyson on a Sunday afternoon

So now that we have talked amenities.... lets talk food!
Yes FOOD!!! Every blog of mine will in someway or another resort back to food! Now that I am old I can no longer eat the amazing cheeseburger that I have spoken so highly of in past post! So instead of cheeseburgers.... I will be trading it in for.....

Yup that's right you guessed it... apple sauce! Remember again I will be old thus not able to afford teeth! Every great retirement home should stock the finest of applesauce for us poor toothless old farts!

Feeling sorry for me yet....? No??? Well too bad I feel sorry for myself enough for all of us! There you have it folks.... No SS.... No income....No home, well maybe a home.... I will just have to start fashioning one together now in the hopes that it will be done by the time my children graduate...No teeth and a bunch of old people sittin around in wheelchairs drooling on themselves in a random hallway!
AND it all started when I bought a van!!!!
Happy Birthday to me!!